~Adjusting~

Hailey just turned six months. She is so darn cute! She is also a lot of work. I think my brother, Scotty, and I have really appreciated our mother a little bit more. Any women is crazy to have 7 children. I could never have that many children. Hailey has developed a little personality. She is very demanding and requires constant attention and human interaction. I leave her to play with her toys so that I can go and wash her bottles. She watches me leave the room and once I'm out of sight she starts complaining. I go and pic her up and see if we can wash the bottles together. We kinda do this routine a lot. She helps me change the laundry, watches me vacuum, brush my teeth, blow dry my hair , and put on makeup. It's actually fun watching her expressions with all the things she sees me do. My favorite is the vacuum. Not only does she watch me do things she wants to actually do it with me. She's grabbing EVERYTHING. I love when she sees one of my curls hanging from my face so she tries to grab it. She has to concentrate harder to grab something that small and it's fun to know that she doesn't give up until she has it in her hands. Speaking of never giving up....Brian and I have recently introduced the sippy cup. She's not sure what to do with it, but the other day, Brian and I quietly watched her try and figure it out. It was amazing that she didn't become frustrated with it when the sippy part isn't the same as her bottle nipple. Sleeping isn't her biggest strength. She doesn't think she needs naps. She fights sleeping because I think she's afraid that she will miss something. She is so nosey. She's constantly looking around and very alert. I'm actually hoping that Brian and I have changed some behavior because 4 days after letting her scream for a significant amount of time when putting her into bed for the night she has yet to really cry anymore. Listening to her scream is the worst. She loves to giggle. She's ticklish around her neck and on the sides of her tummy. She's just started to sit up independently and eat baby food. She seems to like sweet potatoes at the moment. She has no interest in rolling over. I think she would like to skip that step and just walk. For her six month pics she just wanted to stand so that's how we have her pics taken. She's standing with my hands supporting her. She's very moody. She has one of the cutest smiles, but it can switch very quickly to lots of crying. For the most part I think she's pretty easy to figure out what's wrong. It's just exhausting. I returned back to work in the middle of October. It's now almost February and I still feel like I don't have anything together. I'm used to feeling like I have things "together." What ever that means. I have yet to understand what my new "normal" is. Everything physically, emotionally, and mentally has changed. I actually don't feel like the same person. I think I've completely lost who I am. So in order to remain somewhat sane, my favorite thing to do is go to the movies by myself. I also really enjoy going to church and going to class. It gives me a sense of rejuvenation. However, what I would really like to do is go swim several laps. There is nothing better than being in the water. It's like a whole different world. My body has physically changed a lot. I lost what I think is a lot of weight. I kinda needed to do this. The only thing is that I'm not obsessed with how much I weight, but how I feel. I really don't have a clue what my weight is. For anyone that cares, weight watchers helped me out! My mom has always been a big fan of this program so I thought I would give it a try. I was really sold on it being a lifestyle change, not a diet. The only thing that sucks, is that I have no clothes that fit. I also don't have tons of money to go buy new clothes. Probably the worst part of dealing with my whole body image is how much my boobs have changed. I swear that once I'm done having children (Brian and I want two) I will be getting boob enhancements. I absolutely was not prepared for what breastfeeding and engorgement would've done to them. Kylee and I have plans to do this together. I was actually thinking of starting a support group on how to deal with this issue. Anyone want to sign up????? Mentally and emotionally things have been difficult. My issue is that I have high expectations, low tolerance, not enough patience all wrapped in a ball of being high strung. I'll blame it on not enough sleep. I'm actually moody, which I never really was. I want things a certain way. What I really need to do is go with the flow! Ya, that's never going to happen. Everything I do is based on how Hailey will act and how she will handle it. I also think part of my frustration is I feel my life has done a 180 and Brian's continues to remain the same. I actually thought I was pretty selfless, but I crave the need for some alone time. However, if or when I'm alone I think about what Hailey may be doing. I often feel guilty for some of my feelings considering that It took so long to get Hailey in my life. I continue to not really want to share her. My time with her is on the weekends so it's hard to give that time up for anything else. I would never change what I'm going through for anything else. I just wished I felt more confident about things and could find a way to relax and not feel that things have to be perfect. The good thing is that several friends of mine have recently become first time mothers so I have other females being able to relate to what I'm feeling. Thanks Ladies!