When I was little I really wanted to have another sister. I prayed and prayed for God to grant me a little sister. What I really wanted to do was dress her up like she was a doll. My sister Emily is 8 years younger than me. She was born on July 4th! I was so excited when she was born. My mom gave birth to all of us, except the twins, at home. I remember my grandma or dad waking me up in the middle of the night telling me that my little sister was born. It was pretty crazy to think that what I prayed for came true. All my siblings are unique in their own way and have beautiful souls. Emily is special. She has a personality of a firecracker, who hates sharing her birthday with everyone else in America, has the ability to light up a room, and overwhelm someone like my husband. Anyone who knows Em's has a story to tell about her. She's spicey in her own little way. She's a survivor through anger and madness. One of the things that I cherish about Emily is her ability to allow me to see things differently and not have the feeling of being judged or become defensive. Attached to this blog is a letter from Em's. She may hate me for posting it,but it was beautiful and people need to understand what a beautiful soul she is.
Hi Ceecee, so I always love our little random chats that last like an hour, there so wonderful... Anyways, after we talked I thought a lot about what you said, and about Hailey.For a while I worried a lot about you and not being able to get pregnant, but then I felt like it was all for a reason, and just like that the worrying stopped. I felt like God had made you wait, to teach you just what real patients and trust is and best of all, how much fun being disorganized really can be!So when Hailey is screaming, and you get that overwhelming feeling where you feel like you have to take control and fix the problem ASAP, just take a deep breathe, look into that wide open wailing mouth and giggle. Giggle at Hailey for needing and wanting you so much, and embrace her with a smile, embrace the organization that flew out the door!! Don't stress yourself out so much, and feel like your missing something, because that is the exact reason why God made you wait. You aren't missing a thing. It's the Caralee who works at top speed to fix a problem, or take someone elses stress and tries to make it your own in hopes of brightening a person's day. This Caralee, though a beautiful side of you, is I feel the reason you needed to be taught a lesson by God. And to have God make you wait for something so special is such a treat.The thought of it makes me laugh. Hailey doesn't cry while in the car with Brian, and Hailey will scream for hrs with Leslie, but the second you pick up that baby and hold her the way she's been waiting for, then suddenly she takes a deep breathe and looks in your eyes, gives you a smile, and like you said, puts her tiny little fingers in her mouth.God made you a mom, and God made you wait for it, for some reason. Motherhood is such a learning process, filled with happiness, dissapointment, nerves, laughter, hugs, smiles, and so on and so forth. Embrace it all Caralee. Don't think about the ppl around you and worry about what they may think about a screaming baby. Laugh, say, "yeah, she is a girl who knows what she wants, the problem is that she can't talk yet, but we'll find out soon enough." Then show us just how well you soothe her.At Kristy's shower, I could tell that you felt like the world was looking at you. That you felt like her crying was annoying other people, and irritating. Well, I'm here to say, as an observer. It was really magical watching you calm her down. Within seconds of me handing her over to you, she settled down, and the same with Nina. The thing that worried me, was that your face looked so worried, like you were thinking too much. OBVIOUSLY I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM! But if only you could have looked up and seen everyone watching you mother her... And now after typing that, the answer seems so clear.You are a problem solver, and you are a teacher, and you are a women who just went from organized to disorganized, a very complicated thing to have thrown in your face. Teach us Caralee. When mom holds her, and she cries, and she hands her off all mad. Take moms hand, look at mom, and teach her something. Prove to her that she taught you well, because that is what she is looking for. Say to mom. "You are Hailey's grandma, and it is important to me for Hailey to enjoy cuddling with the person that taught me so much, and helped me grow into a positive strong person." Then show her how you calm her down. Teach us Caralee! How are we suppose to ever know, unless you show us how? For example I was talking to Scotty, and he wanted me to talk to Jaiden, so I said stuff like, "hi Jaiden, it's auntie Emily, blah blah blah." You know what Scotty did, he told me, "no, no, no, Emily, you have to bark or growl, he doesn't know what your saying." So I barked and growled, and what I got in return was a laughing growling barking Jaiden. It was really special being taught by Scotty. He embraced his fatherhood and taught me how to speak to Jaiden, with a bark and a growl.Just try it. Next time your hanging with friends or what have you, and someone is holding Hailey across the room from you. The second Hailey starts crying for you, stay put Caralee. Look across the room, and say, "do you need help? If you cradle her like this... then she'll hopefully calm down, try it." And if they craddle her the way she wants, and the way you know it, and she stops crying, that person will look up at you and be astonished. And if Hailey continue's to cry, walk on over, and personally show us yourself, then let us try. Show us how much you've learned, the outcome could be a settling mind for you Caralee, and that satisfaction that you know best. Embrace it!
